COH WITH ME!!!

Uncyclopedia is so funny, I was hooked for days. I wonder who has so much time to contribute all these rubbish. Dont miss the posts on the SAF, the Uber Minister and Malaysia. Be warned, its not for the politically correct.

Having allocated the entire afternoon to work, it comes as no surprise that I have totally wasted it coming up with this post. I tried to come up with a nonsensical story of my own.

DISCLAIMER: The following text is a pure construct of fiction and any relation to people dead or alive, beings/places real or imaginary are complete coincidences. Any accusations/reprisals should be directed at Me Myself and I Pte Ltd and not at the writer who is hidden behind the thinnest of corporate veils.

HELL

Also known as the Netherworld, it is where sinners go to in their afterlife to be punished. It is divided into various levels, but the most famous is actually its kitchen, where its most famous punishment was to torment corrupt boxers by making their blind sons believe that they have superpowers, and have them dress up in red spandex fighting supervillians they can never win. The sons eventually die in an event called civil war and this repeats for eternity. To add insult to injury, they are given extremely fat guys as unlikely allies/psuedo-sidekicks. (See Hell's Kitchen, Daredevil)

The different sections of Hell specialise in meting out punishment for different offenses. There are departments for liars, maphackers, thieves, muggers, murderers, adulterers and lawyers.

Muggers are people who score above 4.5 when it is totally impossible to do so. And because they have violated the rules of nature, they are sent directly to hell. (DEFINITION: Muggers are people who pretend to be slacking/sleeping/gaming when in actual fact they are studying day and night. They then go on to accuse others of doing exactly the same.) It has come to notice in recent years that not all who score above 4.5 are muggers, some are just really smart. However, in the case of 'Cleo v Department of Universal Justice', the court held that people who are too smart for their own good should stay in hell, as they may end up taking over the world. In fact, only dumb people are allowed to rule the world, thats how everything stays in balance. (See Bush)

Case Details: In 'Cleo v Department of Universal Justice', Cleo claimed that he did not deserve to be in Hell as he was not a mugger. However, Judge Ian Luo observed that Cleo did have the mark of a mugger, as he often did not lend aid to friends who requested it. One common tactic was to simply Appear Offline. Thus, Cleo was sentenced to eternal Appearing to be in Heaven when he was actually still in Hell. The judge noted that muggers who help others are now extinct, the last recorded instance of it happening being in BC296349294622, where Edison taught LoneShak to operate a computer. The latter subsequently destroyed the former by publicizing numerous pixelated pictures on the web.

The Judge also saw that many of those that Cleo had refused to help had dropped out of school and turned to a life of crime. These people were now in hell and eager to exact revenge. However, the Judge appreciated that Cleo had single handedly completed numerous groups projects and thus allowed him to enter the IPP (Infidel Protection Program), letting him change his name to Yeo.