Aftermath

i went to swim today
i had to
to stop myself from lapsing into my old habit,
of wasting away in front of the computer
or at least delay it for one more morning

i had to
because i missed the water

but the smell of chlorine has never been more overwhelming and nauseating
and the waters so still and stagnant
i have never felt so constricted
and the transparent liquid has never felt more artificial

how can it compare to the Mekong
the unyielding currents that threaten to sweep you away
and wash away your weariness and worry
the laughing children that swarm and tug at you
slipping in the mud and tripping on unseen stones
among the hills and banks
and under the wide clear blue sky

or the icy emerald lagoon
that shocks the air out of your lungs
leaving you gasping for air
and yet wanting to jump in again
and again



pedaling on narrow concrete footpaths
weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic
who are tuned into their own world
and only notice you at the last minute
giving signs of shock, fear or even anger

i remember trundling down the wide empty roads
of mud and holes
the thrill of excitement (and fear) as i momentarily go airborne
smiling villagers by the road, calling out greetings to complete strangers
who grin and wave back
the pigs duck and geese who run beside us

i think of going to school
squeezing into an overcrowded train for a hour
chock full of grumpy tired faces

and i think of at-chan in his magic slippers
climbing hills and wading streams
with the wind in his (eversmiling) face
with the buffalo and the trees and the birds and the insects
and i am filled with envy




i saw a rainbow today
and by sheer force of habit
i ran for my camera
tai hook
and i was surprised that i didnt like the picture
there was an abomination of nature in it
of concrete and steel and paint
and i miss seeing just trees and sky on the horizon

home has never felt so foreign



from Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

i walked across an empty land
i knew the pathway like the back of my hand
i felt the earth beneath my feet
sat by the river and it made me complete

i came across a fallen tree
i felt the branches
are they looking at me?
is this the place we used to love?
is this the place that i've been dreaming of?

oh simple thing
where have you gone
i'm getting old and i need something to rely on
so tell me when
you're gonna let me in
i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin

if you have a minute
why dont we go
talk about it somewhere only we know
this could the end of everything
so why dont we go
somewhere only we know