Sports For Life (for the win!)

our officials deserve much applause for having so successfully implemented a sporting culture in the people. unbeknownst to most, our CBD has been converted into a sporting arena for working professionals, a fact well hidden by the authorities; who have been keeping people out of the CBD via the construction of more and more ERP gantries, on the pretext of irritating the hell out of users of both private and public transport.

if i not managed to overcome the near insurmountable obstacles of sloth and procrastination, i would not have entered the CBD and observed for myself the athletic prowess of the working class. these guys are good, but i think due to the lack of space, they practice some rather unorthodox sports. the next step would just be to push for these sports to be included in the Olympics, and we would have no shortage of gold medals for sure.

a few of the sports i witnessed in action:

20 Metre Dash
those practising these are really dedicated. they dont even bother to change to sporting attire, and simply run like hell from one train to the other at the train interchange, in working clothes and heels and all. some even lug briefcases or huge purses to load up. admirable spirit. just dont ever get in their way.

PIG (Pushing/shoving-In-General)
not really sure how this game is played, its like some tamer form of wrestling. basically you just barge around while swinging your shoulders and elbows to create more space. apparently, one gets more points for accomplishments like 'Standing Your Ground', 'Keeping a Black Face', and 'Cursing Under Your Breath'.

Swordfighting
Of course, swords are banned here, so the practitioners of this sport use lesser implements, like rolled up newspapers. part of the game involved finding a reason to bout, so they come up with brilliant ideas like 'reserving tables at the food centre'. contrary to popular belief, free tabloids enjoy good distribution not because of quality content, but rather, quality paper.

Marksmanship
i saved the best for the last. i had thought this sport had been lost to time, only a tale to be recounted in funny ads. but apparently in the hallowed training grounds of the CBD, the dead sports can come back to life, and its none other than the throwing of tissue paper packets at targets like tables at food centres. it cant even be called a sport, its a bloody art! Some say its in the paper, some say its in the flick of the wrist, but no one really knows, its a closely guarded secret.

i cannot begin the describe the amount of talent lurking in the district. well dressed gentlemen can suddenly conjure up a packet and land it (bullseye of course) from metres away, just as you are about to sit down at that unoccupied table. the skill! the dexterity! can you say: "n-i-n-j-a!"

and that, was just the amateur. rumour has it, that the pros can shoot two packets in one go, the first to deflect away a rival's incoming packet, with the second to chope the table. of course, this has never been witnessed by many, as these guys are the real deal. they lurk in the shadows, and are so fast you cant see them.

seriously, we dont need to import soccer or ping pong players. we have more than enough home grown talent to contend with already.