its hard when people you know and look up to, dont notice you on their radar at all, entirely forgetting your existence. i make up both sides, but am more inclined to the 'non-existent' part of course. positive thinking says in such a situation, you should not mope around and instead do your part to show up on their radar. its one thing to know and another to do, and even though i have read a fair share of 'think positive' books, i still tend to be pessimistic on things. its like a self-fufilling prophecy, you expect to get screwed, and you will be more likely to get screwed. and when you do, a small part of you feels happy, the i-told-u so part.

i am able to figure out why i am so sad often, but i am unable to change it. maybe i am a masochist. ( a friend once said so six, seven years ago but i didnt feel that way then) which reminds of this book, Love Monkey by Kyle Smith, which i read. Its a very interesting read by the way, very funny and yet so sad. Anyway, i digress. There was this joke in the book, very short but still funny.

This sadist and masochist walk into a bar. The masochist says to the sadist, "Arent you going to hit me?" and the sadist replies, "no."