Rand(x)

I have no motivation at all to study! Even though I have a deadline plus tutorials tomorrow, I dont seem to care at all! Why why why.. Even for the mid terms in the past week, I didnt work as hard as I should have.. threw away alot of marks.

Maybe its because book-smartness only counts in school. After you graduate, it doesnt really matter anymore? This guy told me contacts are what that counts. I guess its true, then I am really in deep you-know-what. The no. of ppl I can acknowledge as friends in my fac can barely fill a hand! AH!! I do know a few more, but they seem to rather I do not exist, and act as though i dont. According to this personality test, I have an avoidant personality disorder! Is that why I find it so hard to just say hi to acquaintances?

Anyway, even if I do well and enter my industry, the future doesnt seem too bright. A few weeks ago, I mishandled some toxic chemicals and probably took a few years off my life. So if 5 or 6 years on, you read in the news that some engineer blew up himself and the plant, you know its me.

Therefore, chances are that if i do live to a ripe old age, it will be as a monk or a farmer or something. I used to dream of making enough money to buy my own fiefdom on some neighbouring remote island, but i guess i will never make enough money to.