Sometimes its a sad song

For the greater part of my life i have been cosy in my little comfort zone. Perhaps the only exception was during NS, when i was violently expelled from it. But then i couldnt keep up. I soon fell sick, and promptly slipped back inside.

Even after NS, I was still very much in inertia. After lessons in uni, i would just head home and play/study, just like in jc and secondary school. I think last sem, i was spending up to 20 hours at home somedays. Now during my internship, i have been forced out of it again.

Needless to say, i am feeling stressed and frustrated. I have tried physical activity like badminton and football, immersed myself in my favourite computer games, but it didnt work. At the end of the day, the problem is still there, hanging heavy in my heart. I guess i could at least write about it, to get my feelings off my chest. Its one of the reasons i locked the blog. Before that, I was just writing little stories for fun..

At the very bottom of it all, I feel that my workload is exceptionally high compared to the other interns. Some of them can stay in the Student Lounge all day, sleeping, playing games, doing all sorts of nonsense on facebook, writing their reports, studying for other modules. One is even juggling his internship with a project with CSC, much to my envy. But me, i am stuck in the lab all day. Sometimes i even have to chase the shuttle bus at the end of the day. On other occasions, I have done OT or brought work home, something no one else does at all.

Actually a heavy workload would be perfectly fine if i was felt good about my work, but i have to say i really dont. I have put in alot of time and effort, but i get no encouragement, only criticism. Its really no one's fault, well maybe mine. Sometimes I really screw up, sometimes its a miscomm. My supervisor, she is a really nice person. She does have high expectations of us, and I am not complaining abt that. Its a good thing, helps us to learn more. But my entire day is spent preparing and running experiments, cleaning equipment, helping other researchers and extracting data. I really have no time to analyze the data or read up on literature. And I think thats what shes unhappy about, because I am more like a droid than a person in that aspect, simply performing expts and throwing the data at her.

I think on top of it all, i am really an introverted person and need time to myself. Five days a week plus evening classes, my weekends are really precious. I think thats why i wasnt too enthusiastic about doing projects on weekends. but theres no other choice.

There have been plus points to the internship, but maybe i will write about it another day.

Anyway, as gibson said, it will all be over soon. And while i am not having the best of times, it is a really great learning experience, learning more about working life and more about myself.

There i feel better already =)