letting go

i wonder how i can survive a relationship given my deep sense of insecurity. to me already, it is rather suffocating if i were my partner, for i would want to be the #1 priority in everything, which while possible is rather hard to accomplish, for in the first place i am not deserving to be #1.

instead of beating myself up over something i cant control, why not let go? if i am able to let go, anything else that comes/comes back will definitely be a bonus. i know letting go will feel better, since it means that all expectations, wants and desires are taken away and everything comes as extra. is it a bad thing to have?