if it was a race, i'd have been lapped

I have been going through some hard times, but before this, i had been in school, and had been faring well academically. Thus, whenever i felt like shit, i just told myself not to despair, since i was learning all the time, and because i was good at something else, ie my studies.

This notion evaporated into thin air last weekend when i met up with some of my secondary school mates. To put it simply, i am not on their level. They are talking about career paths, units trusts, all that stuff. I read my friend's essay for entry into a foreign uni and i was blown away. wow. before that, i had thought that i was good, but that piece of work put me back into place. Actually, i think i was on their level in secondary school, but we didnt keep close after that and while they continued to improve, i started to degenerate. this could be seen when my friend showed us his friend's essay she had sent him to evaluate. personally, i thought that it was ok but my other friend started to blast it, and when he did, it was only then that i started to see the flaws in it. I myself, would have written something on that 'not-so-high' level.

sigh.i think i pretty wasted my time after secondary school and did not really have a pursuit of excellence. you see, my grades were above average, but they werent perfect. sadly, i was contented with my lot and in the end, for the BIG exams, i didnt shine.

now i see to a larger extent how far i am behind others my age and i have to work hard to catch up =/